For
S, Cos I never told you.
I
wrote this soon as you walked out that door.
I
could see it in your eyes that you wanted me, needed
me, but was too numb to react.
Maybe
a hug would do.
Maybe
a kiss would have been better.
But
I let you go cos I just didn't know what to do. Or I knew and just
didn't want to complicate things further.
Said
you called him my name. Not once. Twice! And he burst out with anger
at you.
And
all you thought and was thinking about all that time, as he rumbled on
and on about what you had together, was me! So, subconsciously, you
ran to me.
But
what did I do? Nothing! Nope, that would not be the answer here.
You
sat across me, I looked into your eyes all this time and all I saw
was uncertainty.
You
felt for him. Maybe you felt the same way for me, or even more, but
you did not want to lose him. Not now. At least not this way... you
did not say that, but I read your mind and it made sense to me.
And
so I watched in pain, and waited. I should have been happy to
hear that 'you called him my name' cos deep inside I had won a fight. But I had no pride and
was me all the time, just very confused and waiting on, for what? I
dont know either. But I waited and will still wait.
Maybe
you will sort your mess, I pray you do. That's because am happy when
you are, with or without me. But I owe you one more confession...
I
have fallen so deep for you since I met you.
I
kept falling even deeper every time I saw, thought or talked to you.
And
I don't know why, but...
Maybe
its the way you smile,
maybe
its your style,
or
maybe its the silly things about you; like the way you insist on
hearing the end of every story and never wanting suspenses.
Or
Maybe I just love you, and I like it and I should hate me for that!
Anyway,
am an open book now. I was once bitten and now am twice as shy.
I
let my guard down, let someone have their way with my heart and my
feelings and-then they shattered me.
Am
picking up the broken pieces and wouldn't want you to be involved.
Not you, Cos this is a bloody one and I don't know when or how I will
get out and if ever I will be me again.
That
said, I don't want to be selfish and make you wait. More so, I
wouldn't want to get into a deal where you will probably give me your
whole and I will only offer pieces.
I
would rather not tie you down to me,
you
don't want someone like me in your life right now.
Time
will heal the wounds, that I know.
The
big question is how far you will have gone by then.
PS;
if you never set foot in my place again, I would totally
understand and wouldn't hold it against you.
I
had my chances, and circumstances wouldn't let me do the right thing.
Maybe
it was my pride, or I was just too afraid of getting hurt again,
because;
These wounds are a constant reminder that the last fight was
not that long ago.
Signed;
Coward in love
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